Interview with Amanda Wildefyre

Veronica: She is one of the most well-known, well-respected Dommes in the scene. Operating out of Minneapolis, she has been around for a very long time, and accordingly, has amassed an impressive collection of gear from an extensive array of latex wear to an orbotron! As I’m sure you know, Ms. Wildefyre is the directress, writer, and proprietress of CastleDiabolica.com, in addition to presiding over private sessions. She plans to visit NYC in May, and I was lucky enough to catch her this weekend for an interview.

AmandaWildefyre: I really like playing with people I would not ordinarily interact with outside of the dungeon. It gives it that “out of this world” feeling. But of course, if the person is here for three days, I would prefer someone that I see the good in them close to the surface. Which is to say, I don’t mind playing with people from time to time with difficult personalities.

Veronica: How would you describe “difficult”? Demanding?

AmandaWildefyre: I wonder sometimes if the difficult ones are just not getting what they need out there in the real world, so I’m here to see if this will balance them out a bit. A steady diet of that sort of play is taxing.

Veronica: Ah yes, I see your point.

AmandaWildefyre: More I would say that they have unpleasant personalities. They don’t make an effort to be socialized…lol… I have seen several people change over the years, accept themselves, accept their interests, feel good about being interested in BDSM, etc.

Veronica: That is an incredible feat. It is extremely difficult to pull someone out of that guilt/disgust/shame thing.

AmandaWildefyre: That’s been a big change in general over the last 20 years. When I first started out, clients were much more inclined to feel negatively about themselves because they were fetishists, or masochists.

Veronica: That was going to be one of my questions!

AmandaWildefyre: I would hardly say I did it for them all by myself. The internet, the amateur scene, the books, they have all had a part in making everyone (not just clients) feel ok or even proud to be “sex radicals.” It’s like a whole ‘nother sexual revolution. Like the ’60s …

Veronica: I like to think that is happening. I think the internet has definitely contributed largely to helping people out of their isolation.

AmandaWildefyre: Clients were also more likely to view me as some kind of anomaly when I first began working. Now it’s common for guys to say, oh, my girlfriend is somewhat into this too, but I really like all of your GEAR. lol…

Veronica: Yes, i get a lot of people with half-realized fantasies too.

It confounds me why someone would not just do something so simple as paddling their spouse because they knew he liked it.

AmandaWildefyre: Well, let’s face it, in a regular relationship outside of the scene, people are not going to go to the kind of trouble that we do every time they want to play.

I used to feel that way too — what is wrong with all of these spouses? But then, think about it. Men usually determine the tenor of a sexual relationship, because if they’re not turned on, there’s not going to be any sort of chemistry. The spouse is dealing with a man who likely has very strong leanings, and they are already busy with just trying to get him to take out the trash lol…

I’m a gearhead, first and foremost. I’ll play with someone just because they share my love of metal, or bondage…I don’t care if they take out the trash. I have a paid assistant who does that for me.

Veronica: To hear clients describe the imbalance, it would never occur to someone to think that perhaps their wives feel they don’t deserve to have all their needs met. But then that’s domming them too!

AmandaWildefyre: I think it’s an important distinction that the power-plays that conventional male/female couples experience is very different from the sort of consensual BDSM domming we’re talking about. We pros just kind of fill that gap.

Veronica: How did you start out? Did you always know you were this way?

AmandaWildefyre: In most cases, my clients are looking for an over-the-top experience. I like that. Our scenes are not something that is readily available to them anywhere else, because I have the gear and the expertise.

Veronica: Yes, you have A LOT of gear. I want to get into that too, but want to know some basic things first about how you started out, and how you knew you were kinky.

AmandaWildefyre: When I was five, my mother took me to see Fantasia. I came home fantasizing about tying up centaurs…it became a very powerful narrative in my mind at an early age. Lots of leather bridles, corsets, long-lined bras…the men were forced to wear chastity belts and were controlled by drugging and lots of societal taboos. I just kind of skipped over the whole part where I was supposed to be playing with dolls and fantasizing about a white wedding. ROFLMAO…

I was very aware that the bondage, the beatings, the training I put my imaginary centaurs through was my real sexuality growing up. Anything else that happened, like kissing a boy, just didn’t have the same ring to it.

My first real exposure to BDSM came through the gay community. I met a bunch of leatherdykes and started learning through them. In those days, I had a mentor who was also a hospital administrator. She was very keen on teaching us safe practices and pretty in-depth medical role-play.

Veronica: Oh, that’s so cool.

AmandaWildefyre: I went to several BDSM conferences with her and her entourage of leatherdykes. Many of them were in some way associated with the medical field. Perhaps this is why I view BDSM as an avenue for self-discovery and healing in addition to it being a very lovely, artistic way of life. I’m really glad that I’ve documented my work over the years in pictures and video, as I can see the development of my visual and engineering sense of bondage. Recently, I’ve gotten into studying some work by a woman who specializes in curing autism by means of full-body compression. It reminded me of what I do with layering latex and inflatables.

So, in the beginning, there were lots of workshops at conferences and more teachings through my mentor and her experienced friends. This was back when you could go to a conference and see the now-legendary BDSM author and activist Pat Califia give a workshop on verbal abuse. That one practically changed my whole life!

I also love to give workshops, so it was pretty soon into the experience that I gave workshops here in Minneapolis too. I was also a sex toy rep for Good Vibrations back when it was owned by real people in the scene, so safe sex workshops and stuff like that figured into it too.

I was very lucky and met a woman from Australia when she was visiting the Cities, she was a professional dominatrix from Sydney. She was the one who said, yes, yes, you’re a dyke and all of that, but why aren’t you working as a domme? You’d be sensational! I was pretty dumbfounded but she was right, of course. It was a revelation to me, because now I had the opportunities to work with men, and play with women out in the community. Best of both worlds.

I worked for a “house” for about a year and a half. Then I started my own place. Frankly, i had been collecting so much equipment, I had to move out because I was taking over the main dungeon with my stuff. I do recommend that new dommes work for someone else for a while, it really makes a big difference in the long run to have a “soft” introduction to the pro scene, if you’ll forgive the pun.

Veronica: Yes, I feel like working in a house was good for me, and I made some of the best friends I’ve ever had. Being a self-proclaimed dyke, do you enjoy playing with female subs more?

AmandaWildefyre: Oh no, that was years ago. I learned so much from being in that community. I like playing with men and women equally, really. I’ve played with quite a few transexuals too. I think of myself as an equal opportunity bondage top.

Veronica: hee! How did you first get interested in latex? For bondage purposes?

AmandaWildefyre: I had a client early on who had a beautiful collection of DeMask rubber catsuits and accessories. I clearly remember him in a metallic purple catsuit and hood with all the trimmings for our first session fifteen years ago. He was a really great bondage bottom and that’s when I realized that rubber wasn’t just the nasty molded stuff sold in sex toy stores.

Veronica: A metallic purple catsuit! Did he want to be Catwoman?

AmandaWildefyre: Perhaps! He was from Europe, so he had that advanced latex sensibility they have over there. At that point in time, the early to mid-90s, the US scene was primarily about leather and leather fetishism. Latex is a relatively new scene here for most people, about 10 years.

I loved everything about it right away – from a tactile and visual point of view. Very superhero. Of course in those days you couldn’t just order something from DeMask or Studio Gum off of the internet, or go to a store even in NYC…so it took my first visit to London to start procuring rubber bondage gear. My first few pieces were from Honour and Cocoon.

Bob Zak of Gwenmedia was one of my first clients during the early days. Eventually he became the US rep of DeMask Rubber of Amsterdam, and from then on it was DeMask bondage gear all the way. Now I have latex bondage gear from many different high-end manufacturers. Studio Gum, Inner Sanctum and HW Design are also favorites.

I’m probably boring you with all of this history…I’ve seen a lot in 20 years.

Veronica: No! I love hearing about that stuff if you want to tell it! I would like you to touch on what exactly you think goes on psychologically with latex- especially with masks and full-body suits. Are people desiring anonymity, mystery, barriers…?

AmandaWildefyre: A lot of people enjoy being exhibitionists if they’re anonymous. I do think some men prefer the more “feminine,” streamlined look that latex gives their skin. Also, it’s a wonderful feeling against the skin; for some it puts them into a light trance from the gentle compression. Losing yourself in another identity is another reason to like latex — it’s so alien it propels you into another part of your personality, perhaps one that does not have any worries or ties to the real world.

Rubber cross-dressing is a total blast. All those shiny ruffles!!

Veronica: yes, it also gives the illusion of perfection. i’ve never seen freckled latex.

AmandaWildefyre: Yes, that perfectly smooth skin. Mmmm. I’ve often said that since I didn’t have dolls growing up, I use my TVs as substitutes. I have one room full of rubber masks, corsets, boots and costumes just for the purpose. I had an enormous rubber Marie Antoinette dress made a couple of years ago, and put someone in it for Mistress Yin’s wedding reception.

By contrast, leather is more expensive and a bit harder to manipulate to get the same effect. I had a couple of leather butterfly fucksuits made, and those are also quite bizarre-looking.

Veronica: On CastleDiabolica.com, many of the latex scenes that you do involved sensory deprivation/overload. What do you enjoy about these types of scenes? What do you think makes sensory deprivation hot for the sub?

AmandaWildefyre: Here again, I’m inducing a trance state in the person. I like to see the person’s body language change, and of course I like how excited they get. That type of scene is very sci-fi for me, it invokes scenes from my favorite movies where the protagonist is put in isolation bondage then hooked up to various stimuli. I like how much control I have over that person! Control, my favorite word! And it looks so cool, too.

For the sub, it’s a feeling of being cocooned and yet completely vulnerable. They can’t do anything to affect what’s going on, it’s all up to me what happens once the hood is on and zippers/padlocks applied. I want them to feel completely helpless.

It’s pretty hard to struggle against a latex inflatable — like a bodybag — no matter how much you twist around, the latex is stretchy and confining. You can’t loosen it like you could with leather restraints, not that those have much give in them either.

Veronica: I looked at a bunch of the videos. I really liked the ones where the subject was tied down and you attached a electrical penis pump to them so they would have to keep ejaculating. I love that they have the initial orgasm and then are forced to keep going. It must be the worst feeling in the world. It must become a battle between wanting to prolong the initial orgasm because they know that any subsequent feelings will not be pleasurable.

AmandaWildefyre: So they say. I prefer to keep teasing and teasing until a sort of mild insanity sets in, lol… sadistic in its own way, perhaps.

Veronica: Oh, I think it is terrible. Especially if you just send them away.

AmandaWildefyre: I’ve also run into another pleasing trend, particularly with my Australian clients. They seem to be mulit-orgasmic in a way that I have almost never seen here in the States. Must be something in the water over there.

Veronica: Wow, I’m moving to Australia!

AmandaWildefyre: I know, right?

Veronica: Oh, I also love love that you have an orbotron.

AmandaWildefyre: NYC clients are generally under a lot of stress. I like to see people from out of town because they are in a different mindset, as though they’re visiting Fantasy Island. Ugh, another 70s reference. Really dating myself lol..

Veronica: You are Amanda Wildefyre, you can date all you want!

AmandaWildefyre: True! But I’m holding out for the heir of the Ziptie fortune (cue rim shot). I love them… No real bondage-lover should be without Zipties, they solve myriad bondage problems….as does rubber tubing….and electrician’s tape….

Yeah, I love that gyroscope. Fun for everyone.

Veronica: Yes, it’s very awesome. It must be wonderful for general well-being too. Can I ask you how much it was?

AmandaWildefyre: I got it off of eBay for $2500, it was a decommissioned carnival ride. They really are quite good for your back, which is the main reason I bought it. The inventor of the orbotron was from the Netherlands and wanted to give himself a way to heal a spine injury without surgery. I had hurt my back doing a lot of trapeze (five years’ worth), so it certainly helped. My back is just fine now.

Veronica: Yes, it must be wonderful for your spinal fluid, I was thinking that while watching your video. Also… what is your absolute favorite ideal session that you love to do? If someone just wanted to come to your dungeon to do what you wanted, what would those activities be?

AmandaWildefyre: You know, it’s funny, everyone always wants to know my favorite thing. Of course, it involves heavy bondage, perhaps suspension. Really, I prefer all the variety that comes with my practice; there’s always a new twist to how people want their fantasy to play out. Bodybags, restrictive fetish clothing, immobilization, full-body fiberglass casting, elaborate hoods… I enjoy playing with people who have very focused interests (gas masks, for example), but also enjoy the ones that want to try one of everything. I only play with very experienced bottoms who are good at expressing themselves. Once I know the “constellation” or set of interests a person has, then I just go from there, picking out gear and scenarios that strike my mood.

I play with subs that are very fit, and can handle severe bondage easily, or relatively easily. I also have quite a few clients who are “not in their bodies,” and bondage is a way for them to feel very connected to their physical selves in a way that sitting at a desk all day does not. In a lot of ways, it’s about pulling someone’s awareness to their body, as modern life does a lot to take away our sense of personal awareness. Many come away commenting that they feel relaxed and clear-headed. The body is a powerful thing when it’s given what it really wants. Without that, we’re really just living in our heads and missing out on all of the wonderful things the body has to give us. (cue New Age music) … lol…

Of course, that feeling can also come from a hard beating, or a nice, deep day of servitude to the Mistress, or any of the modalities that we practice in BDSM.

Veronica: Oh I completely agree. One of the least known things about BDSM is its therapeutic aspect.

AmandaWildefyre: I like the feeling of having control over that person’s state of mind/body, sending them on a journey. But then, you also have those who are total wise-acres and really fun to do role-play with. Some of my favorite scenes have involved people who just won’t shut up, until I get everything in place and then….silence… FUN!

Veronica: Oh yes, I love that turn around. I have a client who I banter with, but when the ballgag goes in, and the whip comes out, he becomes a completely different person.

AmandaWildefyre: See, there you go. You’ve had a measurable change in his behavior. Love that.

Veronica: Yes, I do love watching that.

AmandaWildefyre: Another role-play that I love is the guy who shows up thinking that he’s there for a routine physical, but winds up subject to a weird array of experiments. Or thinks he’s applying for a job, but has to wear this incredibly bizarre outfit — say a corset and high-heel boots — to get the job. Of course, the job winds up being a lot more “restrictive” than he ever imagined.

Most recently, I’ve collected a big pile of German insane asylum restraints, called Segufix. There’s a lot of fun to be had when the “patient” is tied down for a couple of days and the reality of his situation hits. Oh, you thought you were here for a few hours? My nurses and I have decided that you’re just too interesting a subject to let you go just yet. Etc. lol..

Veronica: Ha ha! Very cool.

AmandaWildefyre: And it’s very exciting for me to bring in a whole cadre of assistants and other Mistresses, like a giant Broadway production. All the costuming and role-play prep with them makes me feel like a producer of a very “alternative” piece of theater. Many of my clients like to escape from reality for a couple of days, as though they’ve landed in their own personal fantasy land, and having a group of people in and out of the studio adds to that illusion.

On the other hand, there’s a lot of engineering that goes into a scene like that. That also makes me feel very powerful, to fit all of the pieces together and then lead a sub through that experience. I’ve been very lucky, most of my clients are great players and really get into it. Very few get there and then chicken out, almost none in 20 years. I think a person must be very brave in order to choose to “relax and recreate” in this fashion.

When you look at the banality of reality TV, you wonder if the world is really ready for a huge group of people out there who know what it’s like to live at the edge of so-called reality. But I’m looking forward to wherever this whole scene takes us.

Veronica: Yes, it seems a double-edged sword that BDSM is gaining more acceptance, as for a lot of people, the dark or hidden aspects seem to have been part of the attraction.

AmandaWildefyre: We’ll grow out of that, I think. Many marginal or “freakish” practices that were once considered weird — yoga is a good example — are now very accepted and lauded in our culture. Maybe there were some people who were drawn to yoga in the beginning who were looking to be very counter-culture. Nowadays it seems odd to meet someone under 40 who’s never tried it.

There will always be a faction in the BDSM community which wants to be edgy or dark. And there will always be something out there that will satisfy the urge for it to be an Outsider activity, i.e., taboo, hidden or extreme.

Veronica: Well, yeah. You’re not going to last very long in the scene if just the trappings of it being dark and “disturbed” are the only things which draw you, i suppose.

Being a gearhead, has a client ever asked you for a session where you just used your hands? do you think that would appeal to you?

AmandaWildefyre: Hmm. Just use my hands? (bewildered look)

Lol…

Veronica: hee! Would it bore you, or would you see it as a welcomed challenge?

AmandaWildefyre: I do view my gear as an extension of my physical body. I would view it as having even more control than I would have using just my hands or body. I’ve altered a lot of my gear to suit my interests and to make it more useable, so in that sense it really is an extension of my imagination, and of my physical/psychological control over someone.

When I think of dominating someone with my hands, I think of beating them at arm wrestling. Which has happened a lot over the years. lol… I would probably want to do some hand-to-hand combat training to physically subdue someone with my hands/body, like Severa does.

Veronica: Hmm, it would be difficult to hold someone down and beat them at the same time…

AmandaWildefyre: Well, I suppose you could put them on their bellies, sit on their back facing backwards, and give them a good spanking! But anyone could do that, you don’t need to fly to Minnesota. ; ))

I did do a scene very recently with a great new client who asked me if I ever “roughed a guy up” during session. So I put him in spread eagle, and used him a punching bag — just the meaty parts, of course, like a flogging. It was tremendous fun! I kept asking him, is this rough enough? ‘whap’! How about this? ‘ker-pow’! Finally he said, breathlessly, Wow, Mistress, you have quite a good punch!

Veronica: That’s awesome! I was also pleasantly surprised by the sensory dep aspect on the site. I don’t think there is a lot of porn out there for that audience.

I also enjoyed the enema strap-on scene on Castle Diabolica.

AmandaWildefyre: That session was inspired by a scene from a very old European VHS someone gave me years ago. I had the metal strap-on nozzle made to match the Mistress in the video. That’s a good example of a scene that looks great from an artistic standpoint, is very real in terms of dominance, and is just plain kinky as all get out.

Veronica: Yes! It was very cool. Wow, you had the nozzle specially made?

AmandaWildefyre: Yes. One of my greatest joys in the scene is having special equipment made for me. I have quite a number of bondage pieces that I’m designing right now, as a matter of fact. Usually they’re inspired by something I’ve seen or a device that doesn’t exist yet, but really should.

Mad scientist Amanda Wildefyre strikes again! mwah…

Veronica: Do you have any stuff that you would use in an alien abduction scene? That is one of my fantasies.

AmandaWildefyre: Of course, the best part is to have the new piece of gear in my hands, and applying it to a surprised and amazed sub. The stranger it is, the more alien.

Veronica: “Breaking it in” on them. ha ha!

AmandaWildefyre: And there are lots of great manufacturers out there who welcome the opportunity to create something novel and unique. The great canvas straitjacket-maker Max Cita springs to mind, as does HW Designs. They have a couple of terrific strait-jacket dresses.

Veronica: Who are your favorites?

AmandaWildefyre: Jim Stewart, the founder of the Fetters line in London — also carried by Mr. S, in San Francisco — personally made me several leather bondage pieces that I treasure. He’s been out here for a few visits. We went to see the Houdini museum in Wisconsin together.

He is my absolute favorite of all time.

Veronica: Awww, that’s cute.

And you’re coming to NYC soon. Would you like to tell people a bit more about that?

AmandaWildefyre: Yes, I’ll be sessioning there the week of May 16th at the dungeon of Mistress Yin (www.glintnyc.com). I’ll likely see one person per day for extended sessions only. I do tend to pack a lot of gear, especially for those scenes. The traveling Wildefyre show. Clients contact me with their interests, then I bring along specialty items to make the experience happen. Yin’s dungeon is very private and quiet, and a lovely place to spend an afternoon or evening. She has a lot of great bondage gear herself, and suspension.

We’re looking forward to doing a lot of doubles together.

Veronica: Great! Thank you.

Is there anything else you’d like to let clients know about?

AmandaWildefyre: They can contact me directly at bmaenterprises@earthlink.net, and visit my website, AmandaWildefyre.com for specifics on sessions. SeriousBondage.com has a number of articles written about me, and CastleDiabolica.com has a wide selection of scene pics and videos. 2011 is going to be a great year for bondage! ; ))

Thanks so much, this has been great fun. I appreciate your taking the time out and I hope you got what you needed for the interview.

Veronica: Thank you so much for putting time aside for me!

AmandaWildefyre: Thanks so much! Have a great weekend, and I look forward to meeting you in May ; ))