Dominatrix, domina, dominant or domme?

From Morgan (she/her)

Curious about nomenclature. I’ve noticed people sometimes use dominatrix, domina, dominant, domme, etc interchangeably (when referring to femme/female presenting people), and I’d love to know if it’s simply personal preference, if there is a subtle difference in meaning, or evolution of language. Any ideas?

Amanda

Morgan, such a *great* question. I prefer the word “dominatrix” because it sounds dangerous ; ) What follows are my personal musings, your mileage may vary.
It rankles me to hear “Dom” when referring to female tops, in part because I struggled for years until I found a gendered sexual presentation (dominant female) that felt correct for me. “Dom” smells of a time when we once used “he” to refer to everyone. I object to using “gender neutral” terms to refer to a dominatrix. There is really no such thing, imo. Being female/femme-presenting and dominant in this culture is always transgressive, always suspect, always subject to erasure. But ok, to each their own.
Historically, we have really struggled to name women’s power despite its ubiquity in professional BDSM. Back in the 1990s, David Jackson, editor of DDI (Dominant Directory International) popularized “domina” and “pro domina” because he thought it sounded classier than dominatrix. Domina may have been in use prior to that, possibly in Europe. Back in the day, most publications referred to cis-gender female players as “dominant females” as opposed to “dominants” which were presumed male. Trans women who worked as dominatrices were unironically referred to as “dominant she-males,” which is now considered a slur.
Domme (humorously mispronounced “Dom-may”) was another attempt, I think, to give a classy turn to the word Dominatrix. We in the profession pronounced it “dom” and wrote it “Domme,” as in, pro domme. I prefer, once again, to take up more space, and use “professional dominatrix.” We don’t refer to therapists as “shrinks” or acupuncturists as “pokers,” and the shortening of words to refer to professions, particularly ones in which female/femme-presenting people flourish, gives me pause.
All this being said, the makeup of the organized BDSM community in this country has shifted dramatically since the 1990s. Back then, leadership was primarily made up of gay men and lesbians, who were more or less in favor of gender transgression and inclusivity of non-genderconforming people. I felt free to define myself as I liked, with minimal blowback that cisgender women “should be” or “naturally are” bottoms or submissive. I enjoyed traveling the country multiple times a year to present at BDSM conventions, and have been sad to see an apparent “queer retreat” from multi-gender public spaces. The advent of cis-het primacy in the BDSM community and the popularity of 50 Shades of Gray has brought along its share of baggage from heteronormativity, including attitudes toward femininity and dominance. But that is a topic for another day.