What’s Up with a Money Slave?
Question from Michael (therapist, Germany)
Great that you are willing to answer some questions from an inside-expert-view. Here is one… I’m just coming from a sex therapist training and we got the case study in supervision with a money slave. He came, gave his mistress the money, got some slaps and went. And he gave more than a thousand euro. In the most cases of BDSM I can comprehend the dynamic – sexually and emotionally – by myself. But here I have a frontier.
What’s his benefit? Ok, his mistress is “great” and he is “small,” and it’s about being valuable. But where is the sexual link? Do you have some ideas about this topic? I really appreciate your thoughts.
Warm regards from Germany
Michael
Reply from Amanda
Hi Michael,
Thanks for reaching out. While I’ve not done a lot of “findom” as they call it here in the US, I get the dynamic.
Men typically view their power in terms of physical agency, control over others and money. Sexual energy is tied up in these things – money is just one manifestation of it. To take a slap or flogging, get pegged with a dildo, or be dressed in women’s clothes are fetishized because they contradict manliness. Losing money to a woman can feel the same way – like a voluntary loss of power that is eroticized. After a domination session, the male client knows he can go back into the world and flex his masculine power – it’s not as though sessioning removes that power from him permanently. The financial slave only suffers a short-term loss – he knows he can go back into the world (where he is valued more than the woman he gave the money to) and make back the 1,000 Euro. The loss is only temporary, even though the fleeting nature of the exchange is not overtly acknowledged during the session.
Done properly, any BDSM power exchange doesn’t involve permanent harm. In the case of the financial slave, he may deliberately push the domme to increase his financial suffering to the point of bankruptcy. It’s the responsibility of the domme to prevent her client from going that far. As a result, she may lose the client, but in my mind, that’s the best approach.